Blown (Haiku)

I need to get out
If I don't soon I will spazz
Please God get me out

The Corner of Broke & Hopeless

This is a colaboration with myself & my homegirl...The first part is her's the last is mine....


Yes it’s the modern day depression
And I can’t even take a breath without knowing if I will be charged for the air I breathe
Roll up those sleeves
Hope for a better tomorrow
Though today is for the struggle
Anything to get that dough
Selfish Mentalities
Not having that urgency for rationalities
Yet ears to the amplified need for change
That hopeful brand pressed to our hearts
But let’s stop to be real
I’m broke
No money
No joke
Can’t even buy my ego
Or those Hi tops I crave
To satisfy my fashion
Materialism engulfing us in giveaway prices
But who can even afford that
Without having thoughts of bag, borrow, or steal engraved in their minds
It will take time
But for how long
Patience is the last thing we want to have
Gimmie the loot, gimmie the loot
And the royalties to boot
Give me a bank full of money
I’m desperate
I might shoot
But no jail in my future
No bail in my future
But a continuation of this might be hell for our future
The prophecies of 2012 in our future?
"The prophecies of 2012 in our future?
I can’t even see that far in my future
I’m living for today, hoping for promise of my future.
People killing themselves & their kinfolk-straight destroying their future
The nerve of being materialistic
Has evolved into narcissism-Narcissistic
Realism-to be realistic
Going to work not knowing if you’ll be laid off
Yea-sure college paid off
Nigga if they fire me they getting sprayed off
I’m gonna go postal on they ass-just to get this weight off
My shoulders
Draped in the same shit since 06’
How the hell can crack heads get their fix?
Whatever their hustle is, I need to pick it up quick
Find a scheme to get rich-hit a lick
I don’t give a fuck-anything to feed my kids
My babies starving worse than Marvin
Theorizing this like Darwin
But this ain’t no philosophy-it’s reality
My life, our world plagued by this hypocrisy
But if we stop & see
Out of this curse may be opportunity
A chance to break down barriers
And seek equality
Everybody is in the same boat
Hopeless, hopeful & broke
Doing what they can to stay afloat
Preparing for the worse & hoping for the best
Learning to live a fruitful life-for less
So through the stress & governments mess
Humble yourself & exude praise for what you have and have not’s
Before you hit the block & grab the glock
Shoot our youth with knowledge
So this madness will stop! The corner…" (me)

Resolutions

I don’t know what the big deal is
It’s only a New Year & I guess some New Cheer
But really, who cares
Just another day to bring in your old fears with new tears
You know same shit, different toilet
Suffering like you’re lost in a pulpit
Calling for God to control it, fighting your own faith
Just to see if it’s worth it
Oh, but it’s a New Year & New Cheer

Damn! How the fuck did we get here?
My brain is spinning in a whirlwind
Questioning my intelligence, realizing I’m living in a world when
Our president is Black; we’d do anything not to go back!
And how many fellow Americans epitomize that?
Comprehending that anything other than being black; is WACK; that’s a fact.

But it’s a New Year and some New Cheer
When searching for independence is shielded
By an incompetent President that seeks succession
In our state of recession-depression, who really knows?
What his motive was-I’m just guessing
G-dub does not care about black people, that’s me Kanye West’n
While Dubya sat back & got rich off of our suppression
We got wealthy with the intellect of progression-transgression
Oh yea! It’s a New Year & New Cheer

Where we wash our hands to pointless relationships &
Stand on our own now matter how…hard…IT…gets
When it penetrates & stimulates our deepest desires
And yearns for that intellectual sex to ignite your fire
But in a world where sex is plagued by AIDS & STDS
The unintelligent remain infatuated with the
Desire to please, fall to their knees
The burning sensation they try to ease
On this New Year’s Night
For their life they have to fight
While mothers & daughters
Scream that everything is gonna be alright

But what makes this night any different -than last night
Nothing but the date and time
So make your resolutions and keep
Wishing you could press rewind
Make change & stop procrastinating
Before you run out of time

Dream Deferred

I can see it clear as day
My vision is so damn vivid
You touch Daddy’s nose
And your sweet giggles fill the air
God it feels so real
I can feel your hand when you touch my face
You kiss Daddy’s nose & I smile
Wishing this vision would become reality
Daddy’s little girl is exactly what you are
But Daddy doesn’t have this vision
And Mommy doesn’t know what he sees
But he doesn’t see me
And without me - there is no you
Daddy nibbles your fingers
And you hiccup with surprise
Look at my baby
So picture perfect & angelic
The sun hits your skin
You have dark smooth skin like mine
You hair thick and wavy
You & Daddy share the same eyes
Daddy tickles your tummy
You scream & laugh hysterically
You’re my princess & nothing less
As you run into Mommy’s arms
The devil intervenes & keeps Mommy from
Seeing this dream through
Instead of feeling your warm embrace
I feel cold & intense pain
Only having that dream as a constant reminder of you
If only Mommy were a keeper of time
I’d go back and change everything
It would be me & you
Aunties & Uncles too
You’re the best thing that has ever or never happened to me
Going about my day is routine
Rushing through-hoping to slip into a slumber
Forcing myself to think of you
Hoping we reunite again
And until we do
To my angel goodnight
Sleep tight, don’t let he bed bugs bite…

The Seamstress (Patching Things Up)

This scar runs deep
One you can’t see with the naked eye
How’d I allow this happen?
Who are you? Where did you come from?
How did you get here?
I take a sigh of relief because you let yourself out
But with every sigh
A memory…that memory
Penetrates deep
Re-opening the wound
Enhancing this ugly scar
This Neosporin & Band-Aids, don’t work
They are not powerful enough
Nor large enough to heal this wound
I scream & shout
Because I can’t take the pain
I must not have been strong enough
To see this coming
My body wasn’t immune
And it’s still having a problem with, fighting this off
So what’s my next move?
Do I call the doctor?
Or let time heal this one
This pain is altering my thoughts
All of my visions seem to have you in them
Still wondering if you feel the same
Every time a scab forms
It’s peeled or pulled off
By my emotional fingers of hope
Only knowing I’m playing myself
Opening an old wound & starting anew
Pretty soon I’ll be a walking example
Of a wound unhealed
A woman scorned
Burned & cut by the only one
I truly loved
If only stitches could patch things up
Between us too
I’d become a seamstress

The Dual...to my dearest Ayita

I look up and all I see is red & blue
But not from police lights
But from your fist meeting my flesh
It’s becoming unbearable & almost too routine
What the fuck did I do to deserve this?
I feel this one in my loins & worst in my soul
No longer defiant but afraid of what’s to come
How dare you make me feel like this is my fault?
Promising to change & begging me to stay
It’s hard for me to understand your process of thinking
I’m not good enough so you punish me
But I’m only good enough to be with just you
You claim you can’t live without me
But everyday your killing me emotionally
As I lay there motionless you have your way with me
Telling me you love me & embracing my body
This shit hurts inside & out
You kiss my bruised cheeks
Using intimacy to get to me
And I believe every word you say
Like an idiot
Lying to my friends to hide and mask your ugliness
Why am I the only one to see your “beauty?”
Because you are good at what you do
You’re a beautiful liar & the one with the issues
But still I accept, want & embrace you
Still lying to my friends
The ones who truly LOVE ME
Praying they never find out
Deep inside knowing they know the truth
But because of their REAL LOVE
They sit in silence & pray for my well being
How could I live with hurting them?
Every time you hurt me
How’d I become so fucking selfish & blind
The sad thing is you look at me
Only seeing yourself
Envisioning all your faults in me
This fight is with yourself
I just need the strength to leave
If I had the strength in the first place
Then this abuse wouldn’t have plagued me
Are MY insecurities now getting the best?
Do I not deserve better?
What the fuck is blinding me
These swollen eyes and visions of the vaguest of red & blue