I look up and all I see is red & blue
But not from police lights
But from your fist meeting my flesh
It’s becoming unbearable & almost too routine
What the fuck did I do to deserve this?
I feel this one in my loins & worst in my soul
No longer defiant but afraid of what’s to come
How dare you make me feel like this is my fault?
Promising to change & begging me to stay
It’s hard for me to understand your process of thinking
I’m not good enough so you punish me
But I’m only good enough to be with just you
You claim you can’t live without me
But everyday your killing me emotionally
As I lay there motionless you have your way with me
Telling me you love me & embracing my body
This shit hurts inside & out
You kiss my bruised cheeks
Using intimacy to get to me
And I believe every word you say
Like an idiot
Lying to my friends to hide and mask your ugliness
Why am I the only one to see your “beauty?”
Because you are good at what you do
You’re a beautiful liar & the one with the issues
But still I accept, want & embrace you
Still lying to my friends
The ones who truly LOVE ME
Praying they never find out
Deep inside knowing they know the truth
But because of their REAL LOVE
They sit in silence & pray for my well being
How could I live with hurting them?
Every time you hurt me
How’d I become so fucking selfish & blind
The sad thing is you look at me
Only seeing yourself
Envisioning all your faults in me
This fight is with yourself
I just need the strength to leave
If I had the strength in the first place
Then this abuse wouldn’t have plagued me
Are MY insecurities now getting the best?
Do I not deserve better?
What the fuck is blinding me
These swollen eyes and visions of the vaguest of red & blue
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